Further In

I read an article today that really reminded me that I should start praying for a husband again. I used to do that a long time ago but it was always sporadic and in the past year I haven't kept up with it at all.

Sometimes I wonder if I've been through one too many disappointments to the extent that if someone wonderful comes along I'll pass him by because I'll think he's just like all the others. I wonder if I'll pass him by out of fear that things will turn out the way they did in the past. I wonder if I've just been meeting the wrong people. People who take advantage of me, who toy with my feelings, who try to change me into someone I'm not instead of accepting me as I am, who even bring out the very worst in me on a regular basis. Perhaps what scares me the most is that these men seem to be, appear to be and in most people's eyes are, genuine men of God.

Is the fact that we are all fallen beings just an excuse or does it actually count for something?

I just want a man who can love me and whom I can truly love. Who I can count on to protect me and fight for me. Who I can respect and willingly submit to. Someone grounded in the Word, who looks out for my spiritual well-being, whom I can trust to lead our family and who leads just as well in the community. Someone who desires to worship God, not just in song but in words and actions and prayer. Someone whom I won't easily tire of talking to or spending time with. And so long as I find him physically attractive, I could care less what the rest of the world may think.

I don't think my little list of criteria is too demanding. I don't want to settle for less. And I do believe it's better to live alone than to wind up living with someone who just isn't right. I do want to be married and since I have no inclination towards lifetime celibacy I believe it's within God's will for me to be married someday. But I don't want to make the mistake of marrying when there's no love to begin with.

So I need to start praying again. That God will bless and make fruitful the man I am to marry and that He'll bring us together in His good timing. Even moreso I need to trust God for a mate and pray that God will make me someone worth marrying!

I just wonder if somewhere, somewhere he's out there thinking of me and praying for me too.