A Time To Pray June 15, 2006
Posted by C. in It's a Heart Thing.add a comment
I read an article today that really reminded me that I should start praying for a husband again. I used to do that a long time ago but it was always sporadic and in the past year I haven't kept up with it at all.
Sometimes I wonder if I've been through one too many disappointments to the extent that if someone wonderful comes along I'll pass him by because I'll think he's just like all the others. I wonder if I'll pass him by out of fear that things will turn out the way they did in the past. I wonder if I've just been meeting the wrong people. People who take advantage of me, who toy with my feelings, who try to change me into someone I'm not instead of accepting me as I am, who even bring out the very worst in me on a regular basis. Perhaps what scares me the most is that these men seem to be, appear to be and in most people's eyes are, genuine men of God.
Is the fact that we are all fallen beings just an excuse or does it actually count for something?
I just want a man who can love me and whom I can truly love. Who I can count on to protect me and fight for me. Who I can respect and willingly submit to. Someone grounded in the Word, who looks out for my spiritual well-being, whom I can trust to lead our family and who leads just as well in the community. Someone who desires to worship God, not just in song but in words and actions and prayer. Someone whom I won't easily tire of talking to or spending time with. And so long as I find him physically attractive, I could care less what the rest of the world may think.
I don't think my little list of criteria is too demanding. I don't want to settle for less. And I do believe it's better to live alone than to wind up living with someone who just isn't right. I do want to be married and since I have no inclination towards lifetime celibacy I believe it's within God's will for me to be married someday. But I don't want to make the mistake of marrying when there's no love to begin with.
So I need to start praying again. That God will bless and make fruitful the man I am to marry and that He'll bring us together in His good timing. Even moreso I need to trust God for a mate and pray that God will make me someone worth marrying!
I just wonder if somewhere, somewhere he's out there thinking of me and praying for me too.
Ghosts of the Past June 14, 2006
Posted by C. in Just Me.add a comment
I just received a notification from an old primary/secondary school acquaintance asking me to add her to my friends network. She left me a message too. This is all very surreal. We were best friends from the ages 7-12 thereabouts but we quickly grew apart when we reached secondary school. Towards the end, we were barely on speaking terms and I haven’t seen much of her in some 5-6 years now.
I looked at her network and recognised many people I went to school with years ago. It’s funny how friendships in high school change. I never had much in common with these girls and I think I have even less in common with them now. I know if we were to meet on the street we would probably make awkward small talk about what we’re doing with work or studies before moving on back to our own little worlds. I admit I don’t have many friends from school days that I still keep in touch with on a pseudo-regular basis. The ones that I do, well they know who they are and possibly the main reason we’re still in touch is that they are largely unpretentious and conversation with them still comes easy. Incidentaly the majority of them are or have become Christians although I don’t think they were growing too much in the faith when I first knew them. That has changed now though, and their dedication to God that I see is a great comfort and joy to me.
So with some degree of trepidation I added this person to my network. I no longer care for her or most of the people on her list and I’m sure they feel the same about me. We move in very different circles now. I suppose I only did it for old time’s sake. We had fun when we were little, having sleepovers and making up stories about our stuffed animals. And although the bond we had no longer exists I somehow feel a sense of responsibility to be a witness of God’s love to her. Eventhough I don’t feel it, love is about action rather than emotion. I know I can put past differences aside and show love to her if I’m given the opportunity.
