jump to navigation

Random May 25, 2006

Posted by C. in It's a Heart Thing.
add a comment

I'm so afraid to go to sleep. I end up having dreams that make me sad when I wake up. Right now I just do all I can to make myself as exhausted as possible so when I finally do sleep I'm totally out. It doesn't always work though.

I miss my friends terribly. I miss the closeness and the company. Not physically having anyone around is starting to take its toll. I really, really wish I had someone here whose shoulder I could cry on. Someone who could just put their arms around me and let me cry and cry and cry. It's tough having to do it alone. I know God is here and I know He will mend my heart. It's just that having a physical person here would be nice too.

I did not sleep at all last night. I tried to so many times but I kept getting up again. It was either that or stare across my room. At half past 7 I went up to the rooftop to see the sunrise. There wasn't much to see but then I looked in another direction and there was this beautiful lightning storm far enough away that I couldn't hear any thunder. A dawn lightning storm with flashes every few seconds. It was the first time I'd ever seen lightning at dawn and I sure was awed.

My tears have been my food
       day and night,
       while men say to me all day long,
       "Where is your God?"

  These things I remember
       as I pour out my soul:
       how I used to go with the multitude,
       leading the procession to the house of God,
       with shouts of joy and thanksgiving
       among the festive throng.

  Why are you downcast, O my soul?
       Why so disturbed within me?
       Put your hope in God,
       for I will yet praise him,
       my Savior and my God.     
 

By day the LORD directs his love,
         at night his song is with me—
 
Psalm 42:3-6, 8 (NIV)

Come Be With Me May 24, 2006

Posted by C. in Poetry and Song.
add a comment

I should have seen it coming
From a mile away
I should have waken up to the reality

But no.

You hope and you think and you dream
And you trust
And you wonder if maybe, maybe…

But the waves rush in and they crash and they dash
And upon the rocks lie the fragments

Of a dream.

Yet you hope you can wake from the hurricane winds
As they pierce and they squeeze
And they threaten to leave you

Empty.

But God steps in and He says "Come to me."
Quietly, "Come to me."
I will shelter you

"Come be with me."

Upside Down May 24, 2006

Posted by C. in It's a Heart Thing, Poetry and Song.
add a comment

I am so exhausted.
I want to sleep but I can't.
Life's thrown me a curveball
Again.
You'd think I'd have gotten used to it now
But no, no I haven't.
I hate the view from upside down.

A Sharp Intake Of Breath May 20, 2006

Posted by C. in Reflections on God.
add a comment

Be StillWhen I see my two favorite elements of nature meet – the sea and the sky - that is a moment when I feel like I've stepped into the shelter of home. And when God takes up His mighty paintbrush and writes His signature across the heavens, all you can hear from me is a sharp intake of breath. Photographs do Him no justice. His work is real and alive while mine is at best a mirror image. But I persist for this longing to create and preserve and immortalize is what He has placed in me and I will use it to His glory.   

I am an island girl through and through. The mountains, the valleys, the plains all are lovely but the beach and the ocean is where my heart is. Take away the sea and something in me goes missing but often I don't realise it until I see my ocean again and breathe the salt-kissed air. My wide-open space is the sea and the sand and the sky. It used to make me sad that there would be no sea in heaven but I know that God has something even better than that planned for us. I can hardly wait.

When I look out at this great expanse it's humbling. God in His greatness looks upon me in my smallness yet stretches out His hand and says "Follow Me." "As far as the east is from the west, so far have I removed your transgression. I will have compassion upon you and will cast all your iniquity into the depths of the sea." 

It is a tear of joy I shed.

As the dying embers of the sun begin to fade and I turn to go, my heartbeat echoes: Amen Lord, amen.

[Psalm 103:12; Micah 7:19]

Prayer Of Need May 19, 2006

Posted by C. in Reflections on God.
add a comment

Dear God, please give me the wisdom I so desperately need when I'm talking about You to people who don't know the You that I know. Give me the courage and the understanding. Guide me to Your Scripture. Let Your Words not mine flow from my fingertips and please, please let me help and not hinder instead. Above all, enable me to do and say and write everything in love. May You bring this soul out of the twisted path and into Your eternal kingdom. Amen.

…for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart. 

1 Samuel 16:7 (KJV)

Hmm… May 19, 2006

Posted by C. in Just Me.
add a comment

I'm writing more verse these days from the looks of it. It's been so long. I used to write poems all the time. I even personalized them and gave them away as gifts. I hardly ever kept copies which I somewhat regret now as it would be fun to go back and read all the things I wrote as a pre-teen.

I'm getting back in the flow ever so slowly. Whoever reads this, thanks for bearing with me.

New Name May 19, 2006

Posted by C. in Poetry and Song.
add a comment

Moving through the shreds of the past
Talking through the noise that lingers
Coming home to a Father
Who’s been waiting for so long 

Casting down my stubborn theories
Shaking off the chains that cage me
All reason falls apart now
At the foot of the cross 

Behold! He is a God of new things
The past is closed, cling to it no more
See now He has started a good work
That will carry on until He comes 

Changing my perspective slowly
Shaping me to be more like Him
In His love I find refuge
In Him I’m purified   

Behold! He calls me by a new name
Gives me a new status as His child
In my mouth He places a new song
That I’ll ever sing until He comes 

Behold! He is a God of new things
The past is closed, cling to it no more
See now He has started a good work
That will carry on until He comes

Skirting The Issue May 18, 2006

Posted by C. in Anything Goes.
add a comment

Yes, an entire short entry devoted to my latest fashion choice.

I'm starting to wear long skirts again. They were a daily dress requirement for me years ago but I never really wore them by choice. Then last Saturday saw me out shopping for an ankle-length skirt. I found one, price was good, colour was right, style was decent, bought it.

Since then I've been enjoying wearing it when I'm out. It speaks to the bohemian in me. It suits the side of my personality that will always be an island girl. It has no slits so no fears of potential wardrobe malfunctions, yet walking in it is easy. It really caters to my feminity, oddly in a way that shorter skirts don't. I walk a little taller, I carry myself with a little more grace.

All this from one piece of clothing? Strange but true. It hasn't made me want to give up jeans or slacks yet but I can definitely see long skirts taking up permanent residence in my wardrobe.

Just a Memory May 10, 2006

Posted by C. in Poetry and Song.
add a comment

Faded memories uncurl
Idle banter, young laughter,
words spoken without inhibition
Wit unsuppressed but nevertheless
Forgotten with the sunrise.

I never scratched the surface
Nor ever understood the scars
inflicted so long ago:
the twisted sights you saw
the walls you built to keep trust out
the path of depravity you walked that beckoned you
further away from God.

I bless the moment He found you
and broke down all the walls
As time gently wiped away the scars
that marked your skin
So He patiently healed the scars
that dwelled within
He knows, you see, He carries scars too.

Now in your eyes I recognise a soul
Who saw a little too much
when a little too young
But greater is being able to see
Glimpses of Him in you.
A quiet courage, a surrendered heart
a creative spirit, a lover of the Word.

I desire to someday hear of
all the fruit you bear
But if that is something I'll never know 
Today's memory will always
overshadow

those idle sunrise days.

Sleep in Peace May 9, 2006

Posted by C. in Just Me.
add a comment

Beneath the rich, dark earth they sleep
As time alone thus weathers stone
Through grasses long and lush I creep
Past crosses on which sunlight shone
Life visits death in reverence and leaves behind remembrance.

I was finally motivated enough to visit the little graveyard near campus this evening. I'd been meaning to take a walk there for the past 4-5 years but never actually did. I actually think I know someone who is buried there, a very old, deeply spiritual man who preached once or twice at our campus Christian Fellowship. I still see his wife from time to time. They are from a different period when life was more simple, people were more polite and everything was straightforward and no nonsense. I tried to find his grave but failed. 

It was already a little past 6pm but the sun was still beating down rentlessly. I had to walk with care as three quarters of the graveyard were overgrown with kneehigh weeds and grass and I often couldn't see what I was about to step on. The majority of the people buried there were Indian with a sprinkling of English or perhaps Eurasian names. Many of the graves implied that the person laid to rest there was poor as their only markers were plain wooden crosses with the painted inscriptions all but faded away.

Largest of all was an unmarked tomb fixed with two crosses leaning at precarious angles. The tomb of a married couple perhaps? Prettiest of all was a heavily engraved celtic cross, also unmarked. Perhaps the most touching of all was the inscription upon a stone slab set in the ground, all but invisible unless you looked downward, in memory of a daughter who died in childhood. And another tombstone in memory of 'Rosaline', beloved wife and mother who left this earth a little over a hundred years ago. 

Right at the end of the graveyard stood a slender, wooden cross that reached way up to the sky. In all the years I drove by I never noticed it before. It stood there, watching over the graves as if to say that death is only for a little while for Christ has overcome the grave.I always feel a twinge of sadness whenever I read a particularly moving epitaph especially if it came from a time when poetic verse and scriptural references were the norm instead of what is now a series of numbers separated by a hyphen. I always wonder when eternity comes if I may meet the person who inspired the loving memories and be able to tell them I was there, I wondered about you and I remembered you.