Sad Night April 26, 2006
Posted by C. in Anything Goes.add a comment
A cat killed a nest of baby sparrows in the corridor outside my room last night 
We have a lot of cats here, they live in the corridors, scavange the garbage cans and don't belong to anyone. My room is on the topmost floor where they usually don't venture to climb but lately that's changed as I've been seeing more of them prowling around. They don't cause trouble for me though.
Last night all of a sudden there was a sound like a whole bunch of birds had gone crazy. I thought birds were supposed to be roosting by then. I opened the door to look out and some 20 feet away I saw this cat batting around what looked like a giant hairball. I went to take a closer look and that's when I realised the noise was coming from this one sparrow flying around near the light fixtures while the giant hairball in question turned out to be a nest with babies cheeping inside.
I didn't know what to do and I regret not doing more than I did. I picked up the cat and deposited it downstairs but I didn't know where the nest had fallen down from or what else to do with it and I couldn't see the baby birds that I presume were somewhere inside the mass of twigs. I went back to my room but when I went out later the cat had made its way back and was attacking the nest again. I think it was a lost cause My roommate said it's following the law of nature. I suppose she's right but it still makes me sad. As pets I like cats more than birds but I don't like seeing killing like that even if it's their instinct to do so. It's times like these when it's so real how the fall of man messed up everything, so now even dumb animals kill one another. I'll be glad that in heaven we'll see a return to Eden, where the lamb will lie down with the lion and there will be no bloodshed ever again.
Looking Up April 23, 2006
Posted by C. in Just Me.add a comment
Created to fly
With grace and beauty they soar
towards their Maker
While walking back the other day I took a look up at the sky and saw something quite amazing to me that I actually stopped in my tracks. Three large formations of tiny birds were flying high above me. There was literally a swarm of them. I watched as within seconds they seamlessly blended together to form one huge flock flying in perfect coordination. I couldn't help but marvel at the beauty of their flight. I stood and watched until they flew away.
I am one who always looks up at the sky. I have seen unusual cloud formations, countless rainbows and double rainbows, the moon in all her full brilliance, unexpected shooting stars and beautiful fiery sunsets. Each experience fills me with a measure of awe. Of course it's particularly dangerous when I'm driving but thank God I haven't been in any accidents yet! I even get so excited over a gorgeous sunset that it frustrates me when others around me don't seem to appreciate it like I do, to them it appears almost commonplace.
The sky fills me with so much wonder, it's true. But the one thing that I hope to see if I live till then, is the coming of my Lord on the clouds of heaven. I can bet on that day, everyone will be doing as I do daily - looking up towards that great expanse of sky.
Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Your Anger April 23, 2006
Posted by C. in It's a Heart Thing.add a comment
Here's something I read today that caused me to laugh out loud.
Another thing I've learned in marriage/relationships is: If you have an argument, resolve it…never go to bed angry. The other person may be able to stay awake longer and then smother you with a pillow while you're sleeping.
Modesty April 19, 2006
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I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.
~ 1 Timothy 2:9-10
I've been reading a lot about modesty in the past few days, particularly the modesty posts at girl talk. It's not the first time I've read such posts but I think this time I'm taking them more to heart. When it comes to dressing modestly I'm guilty as charged because I dress for comfort, which in this heat usually means a spaghetti strap top and jeans, without giving much thought to the potential it may have to cause temptation to men. I also dress to look good but I don't often consider the implications behind this – whether I only dress to promote my looks or whether I'm dressing to reflect the appearance of a modest woman.
I don't want to dress in a way that may cause my Christian brothers or even any other men to stumble. I'm sure they are already bombarded hard enough from regular women, they don't need me, a supposed haven from temptation, to make it even more difficult. It's going to be really hard to sacrifice some comforts but hopefully the returns, though I may never see them, will outweigh the cost. And considering they do their part to take care of me, treating me like a sister with absolute purity (1 Timothy 5:2), I should do my part and not throw a wrench in their spiritual wellbeing.
It's funny though, reading the most recent post on wedding gowns I realized that in all my idle moments of fantasizing about my future wedding attire; strapless, spaghetti strap, backless even sleeveless wedding gowns never once appealed to me. Apart from the generic look I think they portray, I would feel a bit odd standing before a pastor and an entire congregation being pledged in holy matrimony in a gown that reveals a bit too much. How hypocritical of me though! I guess I really need to get serious about dressing modestly. And for the record I quite fancy an off-shoulder long-sleeved gown, something celtic or medieval-esque.
I really like the way The Message describes verse 10 as 'doing something beautiful for God and becoming beautiful doing it.' After all, God is the creator of beauty and true beauty comes from Him.
I guess I should invest in some nice long-sleeved tops when the next sale rolls around!
Unexpected Treasures April 19, 2006
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I went flea marketing last Monday. Now browsing the flea market is such a relaxing exercise for me that I only regret I don't have the opportunity to do it more often. The place was full of people selling anything from fruits to cellphone accessories, to spare engine parts and vintage items. And there were the random people with mats spread out on the floor hawking used belongings, most of which had seen better days. My eyes were on the vintage and used goods because you never know when something brilliant turns up amidst all the other junk.
I saw shiny betel nut tray sets, nyonya chain belts, colorful pins, black and white photographs, jewelry designed after the fashion of a bygone era, even a gramophone! But I was on the look out for vintage coins and I wasn't disappointed. There were many stalls or mats spread out with piles of old coins, usually watched over by a wrinkled old man or woman. The best sellers didn't even glance up at me as I knelt down in front of them, taking my time to sieve through the coins. The more pushy sellers would wave before me books of shiny coins in foreign denominations and priced more than I could afford. These I passed over quickly. I walked several times around the expanse of the market, comparing prices and trying to find the oldest coins possible.
Three times I passed an old man sitting at the corner of the market. He had only three small metal trays of coins laid out in front of him. No bigger than the size of my hand, the trays stood out in stark contrast to the large amounts the other sellers had. I walked past him twice without stopping to look, each time I did I noted the expression of sadness written on his face.
The third time I passed him I decided to pause and see what he had to offer. After all I reasoned, it wouldn't hurt and perhaps I could find a really old vintage coin.
To my surprise his countenance came alive with enthusiasm as smiling he happily picked out old coins from the trays, rattling off dates and denominations as I shyly inspected them one by one. In return I struck up a friendly banter with him, asking him about the sources of the coins and queried him on prices.
Finally he tossed before me an old bronze coin that was over 150 years old! I don't know if he noticed my excitement as I fought to keep it under control. That was the oldest coin I had ever laid eyes on so far and it was in beautiful condition. In the end after a spot of light bargaining he let me have it at much less than I'm sure it was worth. He was happy, I was happy.
I walked off feeling like I made a new friend. As I carefully slipped the coin into the linings of my purse I marvelled over how treasures can be found in the most unexpected of places and how you should never judge others lest you miss out on something special that they may have to offer.
My Writing IS Worth Something April 18, 2006
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I wrote something that got published in the papers today! Our most-read local daily has an online blog that anyone can post to. They pick 3-4 posts to be published everyday and the best one of the day wins a cash prize.I wrote a post two days ago and when I checked the papers today my post was printed and I’d won the money! That really made me happy. It’s not so much the money, which is slightly less than what I usually spend in a week, but more the fact that something I wrote got published. It wasn’t even edited much either.
I wrote about the issue I have with text-messaging and how it affects our communication. I chose to write about that because a few articles on that subject were published in the papers and I realized for this particular blog, it helps if you choose ‘newsworthy’ subjects to write on rather than for example, angsty personal issues. What’s weird is that as soon as I got the idea to write it I thought I might actually win if I used that idea. I was so eager to get online and write it down because I felt sure it had a good chance of winning. After I wrote my entry and posted it I continued to feel that it could very possibly become the best of the day. And I was right! Thank you God! I feel so blessed. I called my mother to tell her and when I described the post I wrote she said she already read it but didn’t know it was mine (I used a pseudonym) and that she had mentally agreed with everything I wrote as she read it.
I’m not sure what to do with the money yet. I will tithe part of it and I’m thinking of either giving part of it to my mother or use that part to buy her something for Mother’s Day. What’s left will probably go towards my living expenses or to buy stock for online auctions.
It has been so many years since something I wrote was actually published in the newspapers or in print as opposed to online. It’s been even longer since I was paid for something I wrote. The feeling is amazing. I’m starting to feel that I can say writing is one of my gifts. I always hesitated to call it a gift or a talent because I never knew if what I write is worth anything or if it’s merely navel gazing. I mean everyone has a blog these days, everyone writes. What makes me so different from the mediocre? I like what I write but I’m sure everyone feels that way about their own work so how would I know if what I write has value, the ability to touch or to help someone. All I know is that I’ve always enjoyed stringing words together whether in a short story, a journal entry or a letter. I get a small thrill in choosing the right word or phrasing a sentence in a particular way that results in something that reads well. I guess the only way to find out if my writing has any potential is to keep on practising. After all, if you don’t use the gifts God has given, you may be in danger of having them taken away from you altogether.
For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him.
~ Matthew 13:29 (NIV)
Easter in Church April 16, 2006
Posted by C. in Just Me, Reflections on God.add a comment
I went to my home church this morning. It felt so good to be back. I haven't had the opportunity to be there for a whole month. I love my campus church, it's where I first started serving God and where I grew a lot in various ministries. I have a lot of good memories there. But God ministers to me the most when I'm in my church back home. I wish I could go back more often than I do but time and finances don't always permit. I've been going to my home church for over a year now, albeit not as often as I would like. The sheer enthusiasm I feel from the pastor and the congregation, the youth and the adults, it's wonderful. The worship is full of power. The messages are vibrant and practical and I learn something everytime. And I always meet God there.
Saturday Night Live is in two weeks. I'm seriously looking forward to it. Altered Frequency will be there to lead the worship and kick off this new youth service that's going to be held every Saturday night from then on. I just know it's going to be great.
I also made a couple of new friends – the Bowens whom I sat next to this morning. They are from North Carolina. I don't know what the odds of that are, but to me it's really quite amazing since South Carolina has special significance for me right now.
I feel a lot better coming from church than I have in awhile. My Lord has risen and I'm so, so glad for that. That gives me a faith that is alive, not dead because my Lord is alive and seated in Heaven this very moment. One thing that all other religions have in common is that all their founders eventually passed away. But Jesus is the only one who was raised to life again and is alive today! As pastor illustrated this morning, imagine you were walking along a road and you came to a fork in the road, and you saw on one path a dead man and on the other a man who was alive. Which of these men would you ask for directions? It's not too difficult to answer.
God is the strength and the hope of my heart. As Abraham hoped when there was no hope, I pray that I too can do likewise.
Good Friday April 14, 2006
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As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.
~ John 15:9-15 (NIV)
On a day like today some 2000 years ago, they nailed my Lord to a tree to die. Not to die in vain but to make us – his enemies – now his friends. How humbling it is to know as that precious sinless blood poured out, God was making a way to draw us back to him. Not to be his slaves or servants but to be his friends.
It’s not so easy to sense love and friendship in our community today. Or even in our churches. As Easter Sunday rolls around, may I ever show the love and friendship my Lord has shown me to others who may need to see it.
Of Bruised Reeds April 14, 2006
Posted by C. in Just Me, Struggles.add a comment
It's less than two hours before sunrise. Outside my room I hear the frogs singing their mating calls. The mosque nearby just started a different kind of call, a call to prayer. I should be in bed asleep but I'm not, instead I'm here typing these words which you are reading. Sleep once again eludes me.
I've finally come to the conclusion that I'm suffering from depression. I'm not sure how long it's been going on but it wasn't something that happened just yesterday. I still don't really know what to do about it but I'm talking to people and it helps. I've been here before some two years ago and I didn't talk to anyone about it but God and somehow He pulled me through. But now it's back and I'm not making the same mistake of keeping it all inside. It's even worse this time and I'm glad to have people who are here for me.
I have to agree with Jenny Schroedel in her article on depression. I don't think it's wrong for me to be depressed. I don't think a Christian can be joyful all the time unless it's by the grace of God. We are fallen people living in a fallen world and for some of us we will never be completely rid of our burdens until we get to Heaven. I'm not sure if I agree that Christians shouldn't be depressed. I'm a Christian and I am depressed! I have lots of Christian friends who have had episodes of depression. David wrote some Psalms when he was facing depression. Jeremiah knew lots about it too. God bless His people who have never known depression. But He also says that a bruised reed He will not break and a dimly burning wick He will not extinguish (Isaiah 42:3).
For now, it helps to talk to God and to friends and it helps to write things down like what I'm doing right now. I find it rather ironic though as I'm having some of my most coherent thoughts in what I consider the ungodly hours of the morning. This is maybe the second or third time in the past couple weeks that I have sat here writing or typing in what I normally consider prime sleeping time. Yes, I am not a morning person. Maybe something good can come out of my depression after all. Maybe in all this there is something new for me to learn.
Do not cast me away from Your presence, And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, And uphold me by Your generous Spirit. Then I will teach transgressors Your ways, And sinners shall be converted to You. …For You do not desire sacrifice, or else I would give it; You do not delight in burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, A broken and a contrite heart; These, O God, You will not despise."
~ Psalm 51:1-13, 16-17 (NKJV)
Courage Under Fire April 13, 2006
Posted by C. in It's a Heart Thing.add a comment
One character trait that attracts me to a man is courage. I’ve thought about it for a long time and I’ve decided that when it comes to marriage I really need a husband with whom I can feel safe with. This of course encompasses the fact that I can trust him with all I have, but I also need to know that he will protect me from harm and that he is capable of doing so.
I admit that something in me is irked when my girl friends tell me their boyfriends wouldn’t catch a spider for them because they’re afraid. I know it’s normal to be afraid of things but that just makes me wonder, if I can’t trust my husband to take care of creepy crawlies for me how much more can I trust him to protect me from potential muggers or to defend our family if someone breaks into our house.
Courage to me is not the absence of fear but choosing to look the source of fear in the eye and taking action to conquer it. I do not think it too much to ask of a man. After all, I believe God’s primary role for a man is that of a leader, an initiator, a proclaimer of the Gospel, one who is anointed to lead a wife and family in love. All that does seem to call for a certain amount of bravery.
Perhaps for some women this wouldn’t even be an issue and while I respect that, I can’t reconcile myself to that view. Having a husband who fears the least little thing just doesn’t sit right with me. And something in me would be very sad if I were made to battle the dragons on my own. I need a husband who is willing to fight for me. I hope that’s not too much to ask.
I know where courage is concerned, I’m nowhere near perfect either. That in itself is something I pray God is working on.
